here's the blog post content ladkfsja;lsdkfj
here's the blog post content ladkfsja;lsdkfj
here's the blog post content ladkfsja;lsdkfj
here's the blog post content ladkfsja;lsdkfj
I am feeling better than I have in weeks. I know it’s because I took the time to write thoughts down, let things go, wash it all off and let the steam settle around me. This feeling is more familiar than my weaker state and I’m so grateful that my commitments are being rewarded. I’ve been honest with the angels and receptive to the Goddess in the best way I know how- this is my promise and I’ll keep it up. This means that today I must work on yoga and review my herbalism lessons for the week, finish some laundry, meditate and continue eating healthy and staying hydrated. It’s really not as hard as it felt yesterday..I am just so excited to build a routine.
Today my app told me the change I feel is ‘heaven sent’- those words exactly!- and I’m honestly delighted. New messages are rare after half a year of daily use, but I’ve never seen this one before. I am told that I’m now qualified, an earth angel and lightworker here to heal. I feel ready to heal and will start with myself, then Sam, then work my way outward. It’s important to take responsibility and care for me, so I will do that. No matter how tempting it is to open readings or take offers, it’s still Kit time...no selfish diversions or delusional overcommitments.
They always say you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself- the message rings true but the words are all wrong. There is no limit to love and no condition, only the power of your energy. Self-love is the nucleus, the source of power. To spread your love outwardly without access to the source is how you drain yourself hollow; that is the true meaning of the phrase.
My new routine will focus on simplicity. Traveling to New Hope planted seeds and I already wish to live more simply, somewhere slower and more pure. I love the city but I crave clean air and wilder plants. Discovery and purity and grass to run around in. Someday I’ll wander there and until then, I’ll make new hope at home.
I am supposed to be journaling my thoughts to keep them from rattling around in my brain.
I know I should be doing this anyway, but I think my disorganization has been stopping me from really committing.
I lose notebooks and I try to keep them separated by topic. It never works.
I think I lost a coping mechanism when I withdrew from social media. Certainly not a healthy way to cope, but useful all the same. It used to help me process things, to post online and let everything bleed out into the world. I’ve learned a lot from that, though.
I don’t want people leaving footprints in my blood.
Right now I feel overwhelmed, exhausted, worn out, confused, hopeful, grateful, dried up, congested, bored, blank. I am all of those things and none of them, changing minds and feelings every few minutes. I know I should be doing yoga, stretching out my body. I should be focused on restoring my own vibrance. It’s been so hard to reclaim energy when I must send so much of it outward, into my family and my home. Everything keeps changing. my body is beat up from all the bending.
I need to reset, draw a picture of my life the way it is right now. On the outside it looks much like it did a year ago; my house is more beautiful, my hair is longer. Like two drawings in a children’s magazine, the differences between my lives are subtle at first glance. They become obvious the more I sink into my brain and stare, and that’s where I get stuck. Gazing into transformations, trying to erase them with a pencil I’ve chewed up.
My mom is just a person I’m related to- one I cannot trust and shouldn’t try. My best friend was not who she said she was and now she’s gone. I worked myself sore to help her thrive while she was lying. My husband was on heroin for a year without my knowing, almost died and is making his own transformations. I have had two abortions in this year and learned that if I am not actively protecting myself from pregnancy, I will keep getting pregnant. My business got fiddled with as usual and I have learned that I do not have to be a businesswoman. I do not have to play a show or write a song today. All I have to do is keep going.